Showing posts with label Self love. Show all posts

I'm Lost



To be honest, I'm not in the best state - extremely far away from the best version of myself, I would say. Well, the best version that I could think of - my dream, my goal, the person I envisioned I would be in, back when I knew nothing, back when I thought the world would be a piece of cake - an easy journey, a walk in the park.

To others, they may see me as someone whose enjoying life with a nice job, a creative hobby, a set of wonderful friends  and a stable roof above my head. To me, I see the flaws I have with my bad habit of overthinking things, of cutting people off harshly, of being shallow and naive, of being lazy and many, many more.

For a week I've been trying to hold it together - my stress, my problems, my thoughts. And I've been getting through with binge eating, distraction from games I could play, from excessively browsing social media.

Well, it's not shocking how it got me nowhere. 

Here I am, lost again.

"I'm stuck." I would say to myself.

"I'm doing great." I would tell my friends.

And as I sat and ponder on my thoughts, sip on my coffee and reflect on the things I could do better, I start to remember who I am - my goals, my dreams, myself. I was in a state of lost for reasons I created, for the monsters that were conjured by my own thoughts and feelings.


Here I am, spilling everything with words I typed just like a water free flowing, my thoughts guide the words I write. The block that has been bothering me for a week now, is starting to clear up.

For everyone who feels lost right at this moment, I just want you to know that it's okay to feel this way - to feel empty. It's natural. Life will not always be rainbows and sunshine. There will be times where in you will need a bucket of ice cream to cool your emotions and that's okay. Be like that.

But don't be stuck in it.

Sit down when you're ready, take a deep breath, play a slow relaxing song, and let your thoughts flow. Make a plan on how you will get back up, outline your points if necessary and continue your journey.

Start where you left off.  

It's okay if you're still on your way to being your best self. As long as you're in that journey towards the goal you have, it's always going to be satisfying. 


 

How I Coped with My Self Doubts






Self doubt is a dangerous thing.

It has always been a struggle for me to face my choices with all the negative thoughts boggling my mind.

What if I'm not good enough? What if I made the wrong choice? What if I can't do it? What if I fail? What if..

All these what ifs that are holding me back is depressing.

Was depressing.

It took me a while, a looong while to not get past it but to live through it, with it. I know that there will be self doubts. It's constant, always reminding me of what I lack as if it's following me incessantly. But eventually, I learned to flow with it.

When self doubts start clogging your thoughts, learn to ignore it and focus on your goal. Always focus on what you want to accomplish and your plan to actually get through it. Afterall, your goal should not attain perfection because no one ever is, but to reach your realistic objective.

Do not make your mind your enemy. You are not your enemy.

Learn to live with your flaws with a smile just like I did and am doing. 

I Am More Than An Option



I am not just a fish you catch through a net among others.  I am not a contestant in The Bachelor fighting for your attention not to get eliminated.  I am not playing on a basketball court as a reserve.  I am not an option in a multiple choice question in your test.

And lastly,

I am not an option for you to put in a backburner,  waiting and hoping for your attention while you look for the best candidate as a partner - someone prettier,  smarter,  kinder.  Someone better.

For I am me.  The me who will love you for who you are now and for who you can be with regardless if someone better comes along because if I love you, then I see you as someone who's already better than anyone else who will come in my life.

I am me.  The clumsy ol' me.  I make mistakes. I do things I sometimes regret.  I'm not the most beautiful girl out there nor am I the sexiest and smartest.  I have my moments where I break down and cry. I'm a disappointment sometimes - a failure,  a mess.

However,

I am me.  A kind-hearted and caring individual.  When I love,  I love deeply.  I strive to spread positivity wherever I go.  I smile at people,  even strangers,  because I try to see the good in others.  I am pretty as beautiful as I can be. My body is a work of art,  a work of God.  My heart is as big as it can be inside my chest.  I'm hardworking,  diligent and disciplined.  I try to make the right choices whenever I can.

I am me.  The girl who loved you.  The girl who wouldn't have given up on you.

But you set me aside as a reserve.

And I'm more than that.

I'm more than an option.

I am me and I deserve better.
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